Quitting is not the answer you seek

By DR AK RANA

There are times where other than quitting there is no other way you can see. Times where you want to stand, where you want to run away, where you don’t know what you are doing or whether your decisions are wrong or right? Life often makes us question ourselves.

Stood there on the same place after years, time either stopped or detour from that place, nothing had changed neither the place, nor the memory I had. It’s been years but at that place, I went 5 years back.

I realized what I had forgotten, what I was searching, what I wanted to remember… My train arrived and I silently moved towards my cabin. I might not come back to this place again, I thought; but who knows, didn’t I think the same when I was here last time.

It was a cold rainy night and I stood there all alone at 1 AM. Why was I there on that unknown platform? I get off from the train, when I felt suffocating enough to stay there; I had no ticket anyway, it didn’t matter anyway, I just wanted to go somewhere, didn’t know where; besides it didn’t matter anyway.

When the train left the station, cold draught asked me the same question, “Where do you want to go?” Although their kind gesture was freezing me to core, you won’t believe me but at that time I couldn’t even feel my freezing limbs.

I stood there looking at the empty iron rales, glistening with the lightening, which was havocking the sky.

It was a small platform and even the light went out, turning everything black. It might be horrifying but at that time, that storm was able to silence an even bigger storm unveiling inside me.

An old man holding a torch, probably station guard came running towards me; his silhouette flickered in the dark when the light fell on him, his wrinkled forehead was groaning with anger and those shaky hands tried to outreach towards me; it was funny as if he was trying to check whether I was a ghost or a person.

“What happened then?” I asked curiously, hearing his shacky voice that was telling the story he never shared with us. He continued after taking a long breath.

The old guy asked me, where I was going. I said, I was going to Delhi but I somehow don’t want to go there anymore. You know I was preparing for this for years and yet I failed. Then I tried again and failed again. I have been a failure all my life, no where I could stand proudly boosting my achievements and all of my friends and family mock me for what I have become. You know I am not like this, it’s just I have been plucked from somewhere and pasted somewhere else, I feel like I am just going ahead without even knowing where I am going. I want to stop but I don’t want to do that. Finally, after years I reached here and then my boss wants me to take all the blame for his failure, in return for me to keep holding this job.

It’s not like life didn’t give me chance, it did but I lost it. And now I don’t see anything. It would be good if I take this path but you see my heart won’t listen to me. All my dreams are crumpling down there, all my years that I spent are vanishing and I don’t want to leave but its suffocating to keep going.

You know I want myself to out of this race, I was fine being me, I don’t want this responsibility, I don’t want this fame, this fake reputation, I just want to live, I just want to live calmly…happily…?

I have forgotten how to live happily? I know to smile, to post a status is the mean to make others believe that I am happy…but I am not happy.

I am exhausted from this life; I don’t want to live like this but I don’t know any other way to live. This life torments me…

I kept talking to myself, that old guy had already left taking me as a mad person.

I was sitting on a cold bench in that chilly night. There was a radio playing a patriotic song, probably of that old man who was sitting at the remote deck, keeping a watch of the place.

I had sung that song on my annual day with our group, Alas! It was such a nice time. Probably I had never thought I would be seating on a random station freezing in night, criticizing my life.

It feels more sad when we think about how I used to be, what I dreamt of and what I have been living.

“So why didn’t you quit that tormenting place?” I asked when he didn’t say anything getting lost in his thoughts, revealing a grief he never told me about, while I listened filled with anger, regretting why I couldn’t sense he was struggling so much.

“Why would I yarr…?” he replied with a smile, “I spent all of my precious time and sweat working for them, it should not have ended like that but yes! I decided to do what I wanted to do. Even if I had to leave, I won’t leave from the back door as I had done nothing wrong and I will definitely do my best to stay; that’s what I decided.

It was morning soon, and sunshine glittered brightly than ever before. I opened my laptop and worked there on that unknown station. When a train arrived, that old guy shouted, “go to Delhi… train is going to Delhi.. in an accent that was unfamiliar yet felt very pleasing to my ears.

A lot happened that day, and I wondered how I forgot about that station but still I never knew the name of that small station which changed the direction my rifting life.

If quitting was an answer to all of my problems, I would have quit hundreds of times till now. I am not courageous to rage my anger aloud, nor do I want to turn them against me but there has to be a limit of everything and my perseverance had already stood hands.

I decided to not quit that tormenting place ,but to turn it into the one it could have been, and that too without bending on my morals or my dignity.

Hearing his experience I was stunned. Never knew how much that silent guy went through and never said a single thing. I would have never known if on that day he hadn’t said anything.

Nobody knows what other person is going through because you don’t want to share your pain with outsiders who would laugh or judge you but will fail to understand you. You don’t want to share your pain with loved ones, because you want to be the reason behind their smile and not a cause behind worried eyes.

All alone you stand to live a perfect life but only you know how perfect it is?

People appreciate stories which start with “I quit that place and did this… or started that” they are inspirational stories but somewhere we are unaware of those stories who suffered at a place they dreamed of.

If your destination is not this, you can quit and change your way but what if what you are living is what you wanted to do. So where will the person go now?

Sometimes things go well if you neither think nor try to grow from where you are; it’s a trouble when you want to go ahead. Everything has inertia and it pulls you back making it difficult to even take the first step.

There will be many reasons who/which make the life a living hell. There is a tip – don’t stay idle, fight; but don’t use means of fist or words; but the means that are true and will stand with you. You might need to fight a battle, but without actually the ‘so-called’ fight.

And if ‘the never-ending work’ is the problem, there is a simple answer- you need a holiday!

A holiday where there is no work to discuss or worry about. To say even one day will be enough, all you need to know is the ‘No work philosophy’.

“Don’t work, don’t think, don’t pick up phones, just be an ostrich for a day!”

Live in a different world for a day.

I understand at some point, time becomes so difficult that quitting seems to be the only answer available but stay and keep moving. Time and situations keep changing, so keep hanging around not sleekly but firmly.

Quitting is an easy way out ,while a brave person will stand firmly.

A one more tip – there are two things which go hand in hand from the day you start working- one is your life and one is your work.

Keep them separate and don’t intermingle them, be it the negative part or a positive aspect. You are not born to work, but to live happily; you are working to live and if you like your work that’s great; still, you will be exhausted if you mix them up. So, when it’s time to work, work efficiently; and when its time off the clock, no one think about the work that day or next day or any other day.

Just never think about quitting, keep going , storms will keep coming for sure but your boat will definitely sail ahead. You see its always a golden bright day after a growling storm…