HOW TO CONTROL ANGER?

By DR. AK Rana

Anger is not as common as commonly it is perceived to be so. Even if it’s true, who stated that anything common must also be normal. Even if its normal who says that it’s not an issue because otherwise why will you see people searching ways to control their anger?

Getting frustrated, breaking things, fighting and speaking whatever comes first in mind etc.

Why people get angry? Are they happy with it? Have they tried controlling their anger and why? What was the reason promoting them to seek measures for their anger? Keeping these questions in mind, I started interviewing people about it.

Why do you get angry?

“I don’t generally get angry but people do things the way as if promoting me to get angry.” One of the best and common response.

“It’s not my fault that I get angry but the people around me, who are to be blamed.”

“Its my nature still I try to be tolerant of others.”

“I get angry when things don’t go my way.”

On asking whether anger has ever helped them with that issue, “No” they replied, some also said that sometimes it even made the matter worse for them.

When did you decide to learn to control your anger?

This question although seems direct and simple but hid a lot many emotions behind their answers.

The most dangerous answer was “I had to quit my job”

“I was fired”

“I lost my chance to promotion.” And many more but most of the people voted that anger at work place always came as havoc for them.

“I mean who is not angry at their work place, my BP starts rising just after reaching office, and worse after seeing my boss face!”

It is funny yet ironical. Yes! To survive we should have control on ourselves and avoid conflicts to the extent till we can. Even when you are in an argument never keep “The end” in your mind. Always leave an open channel for negotiation, because in this big world we can’t decide ‘The beginning’ nor ‘The end’.

One thing about anger is that you speak everything that’s in your mind, although you would never say that with sane mind because you are well aware that it will hurt the person in front of you.

“I was conflicted with my thoughts and that’s not bad I think; but never in the world I wanted to say her that I don’t support her decision, it is just going to be a problem for our peaceful family. Bad? Yes! But that was my thought which I was contradicting with the fact that the person I love want to do something for her sake. That person is not just a part of my family but an independent identity herself and that she has all the right to choose the path she wants to. Beside the responsibility of family also falls on me and not only on her. How could I be so selfish but I was selfish and, in an argument, I blasted with my selfish thoughts which even I don’t like. She was heartbroken and so was I. I was angry and that was no excuse. Words said never come back again, and the anger steal this opportunity to lock those words that needs to be crushed nor to bring out, because even you don’t agree with them.”

MAKING YOU SAY THINGS YOU DON’T MEAN;

ANGER HOLDS THE CAPABILITY TO DESTROY YOU WITH THAT.

A rope can break, and can only be repaired with a knot , that will never disappear.

Anger make you say things that are in your mind because it pulls off all the restrains, but there are things we don’t mean to say and would never say.

“I hit my daughter because I was too angry at that time, because of work.” A lady replied, she always used to outburst in anger although trying to keep her calm but after that incident , she was afraid that she might hurt her most precious treasure – her daughter!

Many of you will judge her saying that she is a mother and can’t vent her anger on kid.

“At least spare the kid, she must hate her child.”

Well, that’s not true, to say this is quite too normal in many households in this world but to her , it was the biggest mistake.

She blamed herself and her uncontrollable anger looking at that teary eyes of child and promised to never let her anger be the reason for that.

THAT’S RIGHT ANGER MAKES YOU HURT YOUR LOVED ONES.

Anger is bad and it destroys and never build anything, a decision made in anger is mostly a wrong one. Anger is that instinct which uplift the restrain, making you less human, the one you would never want to be.

Finally, the most important answer –

When someone/ anyone tries to bring that evil anger out of you, ignore them, avoid them, keep your conversation short and to the point. They don’t make the core of your life, why give them so much priority to even stay in your thoughts, that’s the place reserved only for special persons.

Anger is not the solution to disagreement/unsolved issues or a reasoning in an argument.
Listen more, think carefully and speak what needs to be said and keep calm. Find the solution ahead or wait patiently to get the path cleared.

Whenever you are angry, speak less, take deep breath and get your thoughts sorted first before you interact with anyone.
Write down everything that’s going on, what can be done, what should be done and let go useless things.
If others are in mud, you don’t need to fall to that level, you can just walk by completing your work on the way.

Do yoga and exercises. Meditation makes you strong from inside, and you will have better control on your emotions.

Sleep well and don’t bet on your sleep cycle, no work in the world is big enough to make you ignore your health.

Never make anger a habit of yours, its that evil which grows the more you let it and finally ends up hurting those who matters the most to you and even holds the power to destroy you with your own decisions.

You must remember to consult your specialist doctor, never hesitate to extend a hand asking for help when its required.

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